Cash Confident with Brie Sodano

The Most Underrated Skill in Big Money

June 20, 2024 • Brie • Episode 57

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Ready to unlock your financial potential and scale your business? In this episode, I reveal how expanding your emotional capacity is key to achieving ambitious financial goals. Discover why stepping outside your comfort zone and embracing intense emotions—both positive and negative—can help you avoid self-sabotage and unlock your full potential.

I'm also sharing a transformative technique involving deep breathing and self-approval to expand your emotional range, along with my journey of conquering rejection to boost business growth. Enhance your emotional spectrum and achieve next-level success as you tune in!

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Cash Confident Podcast. If you're a woman ready to take charge of your finances and create a life of abundance and exponential wealth, you've found the right place. I'm Brie Sedano, your host, known to my clients as the Queen Maker. Get ready to dive into a world of money management, mindset and manifestation. Hello, hello everyone.

Speaker 1:

Bree Sedano here for the Cash Confident Podcast, and today we are talking about emotional range, the most underrated skill in big money. I just did this talk at an event, so I'm in a group called Digital Insiders with the wonderful Julie Chanel, so if you're in an online business, she's a great asset and person to pay attention to on the strategic, practical funnel building, digital infrastructure side, and I got to present this conversation in front of a group of maybe like almost a hundred of my peers, and so I want to give this same talk to you all. So emotional range is the most underrated skill when it comes to really big money and the capacity for you to create big money in your life. And also if you have a business, emotional range is a really important when it comes to scaling, because these situations of growth and expand are really intense, and so our emotional range is the amount of charge that we can have in our body before we start to shut down and for most of us we have an emotional range, that's fine. But when we want to grow and expand, when we're saying, all right, universe, I'm making $100,000 a year, now I want a big promotion, I want to grow this business, I want to scale, I'm going to be making $100,000 a month. We need to be able to grow and expand with that, and what that often requires is us to take bigger actions and put more emotions on the table. Let's just say and I'm talking about maybe like a metaphor for like chips on the table in like a poker game, where maybe we're going for massive success, but that also means we're putting massive rejection or massive failure on the table, and maybe we're obviously shooting for this success, but chances are we're going to eat a disappointment sandwich along that journey.

Speaker 1:

So let me tell you a quick story. So you guys know that I have a book coming out Cash Confident, a practical money management guide for the modern woman. All right, so it will be in bookstores coming right around Christmas and this book, I want to be a New York Times bestseller. Now listen, this is a wild goal of mine. And what does this require? Now, listen, wild goal of mine. And what does this require? Now, listen. Currently, when I'm giving this message to you, my audience is maybe 20,000 across all my platforms, and you need to be able to sell 12,000 books in a week to be able to be considered for this list.

Speaker 1:

And so what does this mean for me? This means that if I want that book to be a New York Times bestseller, I'm going to have to do some things that are going to be deeply and profoundly uncomfortable for me. Right, I'm going to have to show up in corners of the internet that I'm not known, that I'm not loved, that people may or may not receive me well or be nice to me. Now, I don't know if you've ever gone to the other side of the internet out of your comfy little cozy corner of the internet, but generally, when that happens, you are going to meet some people. You're going to get some comments. People are going to say very mean things. It's possible, right? Does it have to happen? Absolutely not, but is it possible? Yeah, do you ever see the stuff that people say about celebrities? It's almost like they're not even real people. They're just these objects that we talk about.

Speaker 1:

And so if I'm not comfortable with really high levels of being seen, with vulnerability, with potentially being criticized or also with being blindly adored right, somebody brand new just adoring me that is actually uncomfortable for this lady also right, those things are beyond the current edges of my emotional range. There are things that are more intense, more, yeah, just, I guess intense is the word. It's not good or bad or right or wrong, it's just a higher level of intensity than I'm used to currently working with. And so if I want that goal to really happen, I'm going to have to stretch my capacity to have those kinds of feelings in my body, because I'm asking for bigger experiences. And now, if I'm not willing to stretch my range, if I'm not really willing to be really harshly criticized by a stranger who just met me on the internet or be adored or go to these places where there's the risk of not being well-received right, like the internet version of being booed off stage because I'm outside of my corner of the internet, right, I'm going showing up some place as a stranger with no credibility, right?

Speaker 1:

If I'm not willing to do these things, if I'm not willing to feel these feelings, if I'm not able to hold that intensity within my body, I'm probably not going to take the actions right. And so, for many women that I've worked with, this is the reason why they get stuck. This is the reason why they self-sabotage, and self-sabotage is really just self-protect, right. We just learn to self-protect. So why would we protect ourselves from our feelings? This is really a very good question, and let me just tell you the answer.

Speaker 1:

So, when it comes to a high levels of intensity, when we're little kids, we do not have. The conscious part of our brain doesn't really develop until we're like 10 years old, and so when you're dealing with a very small child, they're in the present moment. They're the part of their brain that can go to the future, to the past, that understands rules and decorum and social constructs isn't all the way there yet. And so you have this little kid who's just a bag of pure emotional range. Now, also, when you're a little kid, you don't have that much body to hold this charge, to hold this range, and so little kids feel very intensely. It's why you can watch a little kid literally melt to the ground in absolute devastation and I'm saying real devastation about getting their sandwich cut in the wrong, like a square sandwich versus a diagonal sandwich, a triangle sandwich. These little kids are feeling the charge of that and they have these little bodies and so for many of us we learned from our families that certain amounts of emotions are dangerous, that we're not going to be loved if we're mad, and so many of us got sent to our rooms if we were mad, got in trouble if we were in big emotions.

Speaker 1:

Let's say you're crying, I'll give you something to cry about. We're cheered up, we're given a popsicle. Most of us were not met with anybody to really hold us while we process these emotions right, and when you're a little kid you don't have that part of your mind online yet to be able to really self-soothe all the way. And so we learn that certain emotions are dangerous and that we're not loved if we're angry or we get in trouble, if we're sad or if we're devastated. People laugh at us right, because sometimes, also when you're dealing with small children I don't know if I'm sure some of you are parents sometimes the level of deep devastation that little kids have about something honestly can just be like the cutest, sweetest, most hilarious little thing ever. Maybe we respond with like not laughing at them but just like a chuckle. But when you're a kid, that can be barely received as something that feels dismissed, right. And so we learn that some of these emotions are not okay for us to have and that being in these emotions can be dangerous. And so we start to put up walls around these emotions, all right, and because and that's a safety feature we do that to live in the world that we're living in and to the house that we're growing up in.

Speaker 1:

We learn to stifle our emotional range because it gets us, you know, in some situation where we feel less lovable in some way, shape or form. So for many of the women that I work with, we have to work on stretching this emotional range, this capacity, which can be really difficult because, let's just say, you've gotten in trouble every time that you were speaking up, or sad, or body may really respond to that oh, being sad is dangerous. We may have literal judgments against our feelings. So how do we start to stretch this range? Because I'm telling you, for every single client that I'm working with, where we're making really big money, we're stretching their emotional range. It's a huge part of the work that we do inside of my Limitless Wealth Mastermind inside my private coaching.

Speaker 1:

This emotional range piece is because this is where we get out of our own way in a lot of ways. There's other bits to it right. Two weeks ago we talked about alignment and matching your goals to your wealth identity, to your money mindset, to your money management, and that's really important too. But the capacity to hold higher and higher levels of emotional charge, or just feelings of intensity, is really what it takes, because big success let's just imagine for a second speaking on stage in front of a thousand people or 10,000 people that's a really intense experience and while it may be great and it may come with a ton of money and a ton of opportunity, it's also the sort of thing that if you can't handle that, you may panic, you may get stage fright, you may get sick and if you're planning on doing it, these are the things where, when you're going to do things that your body actually can't handle, you may actually cause a self-sabotage right and again, it's self-protection because you're trying to go do something that your body's not ready to do and then literally, you may manifest a missed flight, canceled flight, get sick, fall down and get hurt, get into a car accident, find some reason that you literally cannot do these things, depending on your level of relationship with yourself.

Speaker 1:

There's a book by Gay Hendricks called the Big Leap, and he really talks about what I'm talking about inside of that book, and I'll tell you that a lot of the ways that what we would call self-sabotage or self-protection shows up is things that really look beyond our control. Our subconscious minds are so powerful and so sneaky that you can really manifest a situation that really looks like you had nothing to do with it, and it's real juicy. This is a real juicy stuff, all right. So when we want to stretch our emotional range, the thing that we have to do is learn to get out of our mind and into our bodies. So when we try to process emotions in our mind, our minds are not made to process emotions.

Speaker 1:

The heart is made to process emotions. The heart, the body, is where you feel your emotions. The mind just gets stuck in a story, and so I'm sure that if I had you in front of me and I asked you do you have a story that I could ask you about, that, if you were to use your mind to go back in time and talk about the story, you would get yourself all worked up in the emotion of it and you would not process that emotion, you would just get yourself worked up and then we would have to change the subject and you would have to calm down a little bit and then the next time I brought it up you would get equally worked up. Okay, so that's the realm of story. So when we have a lot of mental framework around the story, a lot of times it's really because our mind is protecting us from really feeling what's inside of that story.

Speaker 1:

And so one thing I want to point out is the job of the mind is to plan, is to prepare, is to take action, is to the mind, is in service to the heart. The heart sets the desire and the heart feels all the feelings. But when we try to have the mind do the heart's job of feeling the feelings, it's a hot mess, it doesn't work. And also, if you try to have the heart do the mind's work of planning, it also doesn't work, because the heart is a little whimsical, she's a little like an ice cream cone. I would like this. You can really be led all over with no direction. But when these two things, when your heart and your mind are working together toward a goal, when the heart has set the desire and the mind has constructed a plan, and then that plan requires you to be able to feel higher levels of intensity, then this is the place where we work on that emotional range, and that emotional range will really help us to be able to take the action right, and so we can start to see what the tantras would call the internal marriage right.

Speaker 1:

The internal marriage. This is a. If you were studying tantra, this is the concept, all right. So the way to do this I'm going to teach you. I'm going to teach you how to expand your emotional range. This is a skill that does take practice. I will also tell you that this is a skill that I practiced every day for, I would say, between 15 and 18 months, and it was life-changing for me. The level to which I am happier, I am less triggered, I am better at making decisions, I can see things more clearly, that my business has grown, has really skyrocketed, and there's other things happening. There's other work that's being done, but this piece is a massive part of it, especially around the happiness thing.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so first I want you to think of a creature that you love so much. So for some of us, this could be our kids, and for some of us it could be our dogs or somebody else's dog, or a kitten or something else. And I want you to think of this little creature being like a little baby, not even being an adult form, it's just being a little baby creature, brand new on this planet, and you just love this thing. You just love this creature, no matter what it does. You just love it. And if it was to fart right on your hand, you would love it even more. And if it was a lie to you, bold face, and tell you that it didn't eat Oreos when it's clearly covered in Oreo crumbs, you would love this little creature. This feeling of absolute loving approval, this is the magic sauce, and so this is where the mind can come in and really help the heart feel these feelings. So most of us have a lot of judgments around certain feelings.

Speaker 1:

So the way that you would do this practice and you could start doing this today is you would start to drop out of your mind and into your body. So the way that you would do that is you would have a few deep breaths, and I would want you to bring your attention and literally feel your butt up against the seat of where you're sitting, feel the place where your thighs, where your butt, connects to where you're sitting, feel your feet on the literal floor, bring your attention all the way into your body. If there's anything like right now with the way that I'm sitting my arms are up against the arms of the chair and I could feel that and so you want to feel that, you want to get yourself into your body Then you want to look for the sensation. The sensation is different than like, and emotions really come with a lot of story. So you may be feeling something like oh, there's a tightness, there's a tight. It feels like a rock in my abdomen. I feel something, a tightness, all right, so you want to go to wherever there's a lot of sensation and you want to feel it. You want to see where you can feel the edges of it.

Speaker 1:

Now, with practice, you may just be want to feel it. You want to see where you can feel the edges of it. Now, with practice, you may just be able to feel a little bit of location. You may be able to feel like okay, I can feel something in my jaw or something in my chest or something. So we want to be looking for location and again, with practice, you can start to feel into these sensations and start to connect the mind and the heart. Where you may be able to feel like color, texture, density, taste, smell of these sensations, you start to connect it. All right.

Speaker 1:

And if at first you can't just be with what's there, right Again I'm telling you, this is a skill, this is something that, like the first time I was practicing emotional range, I could barely even get a location on something, all right. But now I have a lot of. I can feel your feelings with precision, right, like I could feel my own feelings. I could feel your feelings, I could feel the vibe of a room, all with precision. So, as you drop into your body, you want to find the sensation and you want to be with it for a second and you want to be with it with loving approval and you're like, hey, put in my stomach, you're here, I love you so much, thank you for being here, you're welcome. And then, if there's a story that comes up and it's yeah, I'm really mad because so and so did this thing. And you're like, yeah, I really you are really mad.

Speaker 1:

And just give yourself loving approval. Just validate that feeling for what it is, don't fight with it. If you judge your feelings, this is a very unhelpful practice. But if you can just be in loving approval with your feeling and then let it move, be with it and you'll find that emotions need to be acknowledged and they need to be felt. So as you bring that loving attention in from the mind, it helps the heart to be able to feel it, because the heart's been judged for many of us for many years. And so we're bringing this loving approval in and then the heart has the space to feel safe enough within you to be able to feel big emotions.

Speaker 1:

Now for some of us, we go to therapists, we talk to our friends or our lovers because they hold that loving approval for us and you know how good it feels to be held in loving approval while you're sharing something. It's because then you're safe to feel all the feelings and somebody else holds you there and you also know the feeling of having really big feelings and not feeling safe to talk to the person that you're talking about. So we want to bring that whole relationship within us and that loving approval really helps to move through emotions very quickly, and what you will often find especially if you're a woman in your 40s or maybe 50s that hasn't done too much of this work is sometimes you will find that there are feelings under feelings, under feelings, right. Many of us have emotional kind of walls up where we default to anger or we default to frustration or we default to irritation when we're actually feeling something else, and so you may find yourself feeling really frustrated. You go to sit with the frustration, you feel through the frustration and then all of a sudden there's dissatisfaction and then underneath that there's a deep disappointment and underneath that there's a sadness and underneath that there might be something else, right, and so sometimes there's layers of feelings.

Speaker 1:

But why this practice is so important is because when we have a lot of old feelings stored within us, because when we've had like, literally when we learn that our feelings aren't safe, we're just storing them. This uses up a lot of our life force to hold repressed emotions in, and you'll find that if you read Gabor Monte's work, a lot of illnesses are really just repressed emotions stored over decades, if we've been angry at people for 30 years, but that anger never gets out, never gets expressed and never gets acknowledged or felt, that it stays within us and then, all of a sudden, that anger is in our energy field, metastasizing into something. So this work helps us to clear out all of these past emotions and what the benefit of that is that today, when we're dealing with today, we're emotionally present to today and if you've ever had an outburst with somebody about something that happened to you yesterday, you know what I'm talking about. Like you're really mad about the thing that happened yesterday, but you're mad about something that's actually not the truth of what you're mad about today, because you're actually mad about the thing that happened yesterday. This creates a lot of communication issues in our relationships and if you're scaling a business or you're getting a big promotion or you're taking a next step in leadership emotional range, if you have a lot of old emotions that are coming up, they are going to get into your way. They are In 2020,.

Speaker 1:

My business grew super, super fast and, honestly, I didn't have the emotional range for it and it really created quite a bit of havoc and it ended up working out great because then it showed me all the places that I needed to learn how to do this work, and also I got my business model into something that's super perfect for me. So the whole experience ended up working. But I'm working out. But also, if I had a great emotional range, I probably wouldn't have pursued what I was pursuing so hard is to have to make a mess. All right. So loving approval for yourself, learning to drop into the body, learning to drop into your body is a skill that every woman should have. That's the place where your intuition is. That's the place where your heart is. That's how you're going to learn to move through these feelings very quickly. Now I'm going to tell you one more story just to demonstrate how much of a lucrative skill this is.

Speaker 1:

So when I started working with emotional range, probably one of the first emotions that I was not willing to feel that would get into my way was rejection, because I, at that time, was doing all of my own sales, and so a salesperson who is unwilling to feel rejection the way that this would show up is what I would offer to work with somebody and they did not want to work with me. Instead of just feeling the rejection of that, the sting of rejection, I would mentally fight it off and I would bicker with them in my own mind. In my own mind they were not on the phone with me, that call had ended two days ago, but I would be talking to them, relooking at their situation, fighting with them, basically convincing them that they're such an idiot for not working with me, blah, blah. And again this is all happening within me. This is not about them, because I was unwilling to just feel that rejection, so my mind had to work so hard to protect me from it. And when I also did have people on a sales call, sometimes I'm telling you I would push a little too hard, I would be a little too pushy and I would really go into the energy of convincing because truly I did not want to have to face that rejection and that's gross, that's like not a good energy to be bringing to the work that I do anyways. And I'll have grace for myself, as I was less experienced and I did not have this emotional range that I'm telling you of and I got some hard feedback around that a couple of times.

Speaker 1:

And so one of the first emotions I started working with was rejection and I was like, all right if I could just be rejected and that would be okay, cool. I would be able to go for more sales. I'd be able to follow up with people better, I'd be able to do things faster, I'd be able to get those no's, I'd be able to deal with it. Sometimes I wouldn't even follow up with people because the idea of getting a no. I was like I just cannot expend the mental energy of fighting off this rejection for so long. And so I was like all right, I'm ready.

Speaker 1:

And then I worked with somebody and they did not want to work with me and I just sat with the rejection. I was just like all right, let me just be with it in the present moment. And for me I was a pit as hot as like a pit in my stomach, and it started to move up and it flushed energy across like my chest. My cheeks got hot. It was intense for 90 seconds. I was really feeling the sting of this rejection, right. And then I was just with it and then it was over and then I felt fine and then I did not fight with that person in my mind because I didn't need to, because I'd already experienced the rejection. So 90 seconds of an intense rush of energy across my body saved me literally hours of mental fighting with somebody that I did not even have on the phone. It was tremendous, and from there my sales increased so much.

Speaker 1:

And also, at this point, that level of rejection barely phases me Truly. It's not even going to disrupt. It's not even going to disrupt my day, because now I'm ready, cause now that's within my, a comfort of my emotional range, and I'm ready, and now I still feel rejection, but it's just not at that level Right, like I feel the rejection Like yesterday, just yesterday, somebody did not. I offered to work with somebody. She did not want to work with me and I was like, oh, okay, and it was probably 10 seconds, maybe less, but I still at my edges is like when I'm sending out pitches for my book or I'm sending out things, that will feel a little bit more like a rejection to me, and so that's the purpose of emotional range. So my capacity for rejection is way bigger, which is really important when you want to be doing big things. So I hope this is helpful. I hope you're learning something from me.

Speaker 1:

The importance of that loving approval is so good, and so this is the kind of work that I'm doing with my clients inside Limitless. This is why my clients one of my clients in the last couple of years has gone from about a million dollars in sales to $8 million in sales and relatively smooth. This has been a smooth scaling for her. I've had another client who started with me making $1,000 a month in her business and she, seven months later, is on a wait list on a wait list for her services and she's got group programs that are coming out. She's a sex coach. This work that I'm teaching really impacts money and it really works at a very fast level.

Speaker 1:

So if you are a powerhouse, if you're a trailblazer, if you're the breadwinner, if you're a woman who really wants the next level, book a call to come, talk to me. You can find the link to my calendar inside of the show notes and then I would be happy to talk to you about joining Limitless Wealth, where you can learn about emotional range and wealth, identity and all of these things to really help you go to the next level. So I love you, I appreciate you. Please share this podcast with your friends and I will talk to you next week. Thank you for listening to the Cash Confident Podcast. Remember, knowledge alone isn't enough to build wealth. It's what you do with that knowledge that counts, and that's where the Cash Confident community comes in. Our community is where aspiring, wealthy women gather together to master money and mindset and build exponential wealth. I invite you to join our community where women are cultivating a healthy relationship with money and living the life of their dreams. Visit wwwcashconfidentcom to learn more.

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Brie Sodano

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