We've been talking about desires, and in my work I've noticed there's a handful of patterns that show up with people around their desires that can grab their attention, pull them off track, cost them time, money, and energy in the direction of their goals, and cause them to feel confused and frustrated, and sometimes, like, they're actually walking a, a path that just makes them miserable. So if that's ever been something that's been going on for you, today what we're gonna do is we're gonna go over some of the patterns that I've seen commonly that are false desires, th- things that mentally look and feel like-- a desire, but they're not a real true desire. And so my goal for you in this episode is to be able to understand and be able to see yourself more clearly. real desire, when it's your true heart's desire, o- you're gonna need to feel into what this feels like for you, but it feels alive. And most desires are either around the desire to contribute, to create, to give or to experience, So it could be things like I wanna write a book I wanna spend four days wandering the Vatican eating obscene amounts of gelato and high on espresso, right? there's something real tangible. And most of the time it's either creative or experience. You know, for the vast majority of people, these are the, these are the desires that are true. False desires pull us off track. One of the first that I see is, is actually super, super common is what you think other people want. And basically it's want or need. It's putting everybody else's needs above your own needs. when we think about these false patterns, the first one that I wanna talk about is What other people think you should want or what other people think you should do with your life. in my experience, a lot of my clients have come to see me, and some of them have already overcome this desire, this false desire pattern, but usually it's somebody who loves you very, very much, thinks that you should get a degree in XYZ because there's money in that, or thinks you should do a certain thing with your career, or thinks you should do a certain thing with your God-given talents, skills, gifts, et cetera. a lot of these come from parents or spouses, but it, It's what other people expect of you, a lot of times we can walk that path for a while because we've never really considered the things that we want for ourselves. literally, I've seen people work an entire career that she didn't want, and that shit sucks. So that's one of the false patterns. So when somebody is really pushing their ideas onto you or when you're taking action with your life force about what other people want, that's, a false pattern. It's something to just be aware of The second one is what you think other people want or need. Basically, it's putting everybody else first, this one is funny because there's a little bit of a balance, right? Like, most of us are moms or spouses, and sometimes there's a give and take in relationship. And if I was to always do everything that I wanted at the expense of everybody else, well, my relationships would be shitty, right? Like, we can, we can see that. But for the vast majority of us, that's really not the case, and we just get in the habit of putting ourselves last, all right? And so that's another false desire of like, the thing that I wanna do is take care of everything for everybody. that's really the false desire. It's all that or sometimes even like attaching to their desire and then being the other side of the first pattern I just said. Like, like being the person who thinks what other people should do with their lives, right? The next one is an obstacle or a delay or this thing that needs to happen before you could get to your desire, right? And so what one example is one time I was working with a client who was ready to start a business. She came to see me. She wanted to start a business. She already had all the credentials she needed. She had to get started doing the work, right? And she comes into my office and she says, "Well, I'm going to get another degree." But why? You already have everything that you need, that's usually just a little fear. A little fear gets in the way of actually showing up, doing the work, right? Like, like we've talked about this month, desire drives growth. Desire puts us in the tension, the place of the tension, Between what we really want. We wanna grow, we wanna contribute, we wanna expand, and we wanna stay safe, we wanna stay small. at that edge of growth, there's this perpetual inner tension. And oftentimes, really being with our desires, really being at the edge of ourselves means being in that place, that tension, And so, if you go back to school, you don't have to be in that tension. You don't have to grow. You don't have to put yourself out there. You don't have to do the emotionally dangerous work, of potential failure or anything else. So the, you know, that happens for people even in smaller ways. Like when I used to do much more cash flow work, people would be like, "Oh, I really wanna do your program. I'll do it when the kids finish soccer. I'll do it when things slow down. I'll do it this way." Yeah, I'll be here. You know? But I s- you know, people send me, me messages on Facebook Messenger, so I can see the dates. You know, I've had some people wanting to do my program since 2017 And they just never, they just never do it. They just never do the thing that they really want. And then listen, I'm here whenever, when, if, if, if I'm talking to you, I'm here whenever you're ready, no rush. But oftentimes that's another place where we just don't follow our desire. We, or we think we're making progress towards our desire because we're pursuing this other thing that if we believe that if we just do this one thing, then we'll get there, but we just never get there. So the next of these false desires is like the thing that's next to your desire but is not your desire. This one is fascinating to me. So I'll give you a little story. I had a client once who got this special certificate to be able to offer a certain kind of therapy. And when she was going to school, she wanted to get a job in corporate and run corporate training programs with this education she had. And when it actually came time to do it, she started applying for jobs in school districts. And I was confused, and so I brought it up at a meeting. I said, "Hey, well, you told me that you wanted this corporate work. You told me your income goals and that that matches corporate. what you're doing doesn't match." And she was like, "Yeah, I just, like, didn't really think I could do corporate. So I just was applying for this work that I don't really wanna do." And I was like, "Oh, okay. okay." that exact thing happens a lot for people in business. It's like, "Oh, I really wanna do this thing, but I'm gonna offer this thing that I think will work better." "Oh, I really wanna do the thing that I want, but I'm gonna not do that because I don't think I can make money with it, so I'm gonna do this other thing that I wanna do way less." And so this, there's like a sensible, you know... It, it always sounds sensible. It's kind-- And it's really just letting your mind get in, get in the way of the desire. This is less less shitty than some of the other patterns, 'cause at least you're moving in the general direction of your desire. You're just m- not, you know, your GPS is in the same town, it's just the wrong address, you know? this one's easier to work through. And then the last one is just doing things that you're good at, Like, I had a, I had a client once who was an accountant who was finished with her accounting career. She didn't wanna do accounting anymore. She wanted to have nothing to do with accounting numbers, fucking meetings, bookkeeping, She didn't wanna do it anymore. But she was good at it, and the thing that she wanted to do, she would've been brand new at, and she would've not been good at just yet. She would've had to practice and et cetera. sometimes these things that we're just good at can feel like it would be silly or irresponsible or a waste to do the thing that we really want when I'm so good at something else. So that's, that's another of the, the places where we can get tangled up with our desire even though we're moving. So I hope that this helps you to see yourself more clearly. And I would really encourage you to take out a page in your journal and just to go back through these five patterns. See the times in your life where you either, fell into the, the false pattern or how you were brave and you followed your real desire, and start to just understand how these, things felt in your body. Because again, with real desire, it comes from your heart, so there's a lot more body sensation about desire. And so a lot of times you can't figure it out in your mind, you have to feel it. So what I would encourage you is when you go back and you journal on these things and figure it out, notice what it feels like. You know, so if you did fall into one of those false desire patterns, what did it feel like for you to be off track? And if you, you know, were brave and overcame those, what did it feel like And so this way you can start to place these emotions because that sensational feedback is like instantaneous, and the faster you can, reroute, reorient around these sensations, kind of the better off you're gonna be, the more, you know, the more inner peace and potentially money you're gonna make in your business too. All right. So I hope you enjoyed my series on desires. I love you so much. If, if you like the episodes, please feel free to share with a friend leave a review, and if you wanna talk to me about scaling your business, I would love to talk to you. I do have an offer open right now, it's called Limitless Wealth. It's a 15-month hybrid coaching mastermind for women specifically in that point of scaling her business, where she's in that paradox of expansion, that tension, the place where, where we're ripe for self-sabotage and kind of backsliding and collapsing under the weight of her own success. And so the work that I do with women is really around building the skill set for expansion and how we apply those skills to her exact business model. my offer is proven. I've worked with hundreds of clients over the last decade. it's a small program. This program will cap at about 35 people, so there's a lot of support and a lot of attention which is really, really what you need when you're scaling, is you need somebody in the trenches with you. You need somebody that can help you get out of your own way, as you get into your own way, right? Like on the daily. So if that is something that you need, my sales process involves a real sales call because it's a small, intimate program, so you need to know that you like being coached by me. I need to know that I like coaching you. We need to know that it's a good fit. So I do like a real old-fashioned sales call. if that sounds like a, like, a fit for you, 📍 book the call and, and we'll go from there. All right. I love you. Bye.
